Friday, May 22, 2009

..>> helloooo loverrrrr <<..

i was driving about today and saw a gorgeous restored greeeeeeeen cheiftan (it's a car... a pontiac to be exact), so i decided to have a nosey on ebay motors to see what people are selling and came across this beaut!!!

i so wish i let jesse get me the 1951 pontiac hearse i've dreamt about for so long when he did his car club. ack! ACK I SAY

today i have an icky feeling tummy :( i dunno if it's from the mehicano i ate last night or what, but it aches and flips and is just... weird feeling.
also, i had horrid dreams last night! they were rape and hatred and all things bad.

the first one i vaguely remember walking outside by a building, when a large overbearing man grabbed my arms and forced me behind it. i was pinned and scared... i dream so lucidly i can remember his breath on my shoulders and the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. i always have this theory that, if you go along with something and pretend you want it, they'll lose interest or won't be so hard (from personal experience it's worked) anyway, i started to act like this whole charade turned me on, with just enough time to reach into my pocket for a pen, which i proceeding to jab into his chest. when that didn't work i moved it straight bang into the middle of his forehead. and kept on repeating this action until he fell on the floor. though still alive, i reached in and started pulling out his brain :/ this finaly killed him. i don't know if it was the whole rape thing, but i woke up extremey upset and just wanted to be held :(

i finally got to sleep again, but when i did i dreamt my friend's girlfriend was insanely jealous of me and was trying to kill me... my friend was there, but fucked up on pills and was just watching until i screamed at him that it's she's going to kill me (bby this point the girls brother had gotten involved and it was 2 to 1). he finally got up and picked them up by the throat, threw them and he continued to kill his girlfriend. pounding her in the head and then crushing her like an accordian until all that was left was a sack of skin and crushed bones.

i seriously don't know what's going on with me. i always have weird dreams, but never to this extent or degree of violence. they actually really bother me and i am incredibly hard to rattle. my best friend mandy thinks that these dreams are reflective of my helplessness in a certain situation... or percieved helplessness, and by admiting up to it and facing it, i will ease my nerves and apparently fucked up dreams haha. but by doing so, i know i'll have a great weight lifted off my shoulders, but i really don't think it's the right decision at this moment in time.


mahuahua said...

aw sweetheart!those dreams sound so awful,i know exactly what you mean,the lucidness of them and the horrible feeling you had when you woke up:( it's exactly why i hate dreaming,the lack of control and the sheer realness it sometimes has to it.some of it may be simply because i was talking about irreversible to you and the scene that upset me?but obviously it's a lot more than just that...i would have cuddled you lots if i was there,you're never alone as long as you're in my heart darling.xxxxx

samboy said...

awww i hate dreams!xxx